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Profile Cly Lili Widarsa
Stories To Shareby
Cly Lili Widarsa
- Pesta Semu Kelulusan
- Raising Positive Teens 2 - WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD?
- Tahukah Engkau, Tuhan?
- The Time God Saved Me In United Kingdom by Nicholas Budiman
- The Time I Went Camping - Part 1 by Nicholas Budiman
- I Love You As I Love You
- I Am Letting You Grow
- Apalah Arti Uang Receh
- My Me Time, Alone In Bali
- Raising Positive Teens - Part 1
- Berserah Bukan Menyerah
- Happy Birthday To Me
- Rest in Peace, My Beautiful Dream
- A Day In The Life Of A Fingerprint Analyst
- Where Do Babies Come From
- A Decade and One
Pesta Semu Kelulusan
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Berlalu sudah keriaan pesta graduasi yang terbalut kemegahan sekelas 'award night' ala stasiun TV nasional; yang tinggal adalah penggalan-penggalan kenangan masa-masa indah sekolah yang akan diputar ulang 5 atau 15 atau 25 tahun dari sekarang.
Masih segar dalam ingatan pertanyaan Semata Wayangku semalam sebelum pesta graduasi: "Mom, are you proud that I'm graduating?" Dan jawabanku masih terasa menggantung di tepian bibir: "Biasa aja.. Lulus SMP itu harus, Dear. Ngga ada pilihan sebaliknya."
Penggalan percakapan Rabu malam itu, terjalin dan tersimpul bersama dengan pemandangan meriah para orangtua yang sibuk merayakan keberhasilan Sang Putra dan Putri kebanggaan, menari-nari menggelitik dalam ruang-ruang pikiranku. Semakin dalam aku masuk dalam ruang-ruang itu, semakin kuat suara itu berteriak: patutkah kalian merayakan kelulusan SMP atau SMA dengan kemegahan setara itu? Apa arti dari kebanggaan yang dipamerkan di laman-laman akun media sosial kalian?
Anak-anakku sayang, mari duduk dan merenung sejenak. Kalian diantar oleh papa dan mama kalian ke sekolah unggulan dan bukankah SUDAH SEPANTASNYA kalian menyelesaikan jenjang pendidikan ini hingga tuntas? Pantaskah kelulusan dilihat sebagai SUATU HAL YANG ISTIMEWA? Bukankah kelulusan kalian adalah KEHARUSAN dan BUKAN PENCAPAIAN untuk dirayakan. Kelulusan seyogyanya menjadi saat yang tepat untuk berhenti sejenak dan melihat ke belakang sebelum kalian melangkah mendekati mimpi (yang mudah-mudahan merupakan) pilihan kalian. Kelulusan ini hendaknya menjadi momentum untuk MENSYUKURI KARUNIA DAN RAHMAT ALLAH yang dititipkan melalui tangan dan hati orangtua kalian.
Anak-anakku sayang, selama tiga tahun di jenjang SMP dan tiga tahun di jenjang SMA, kalian bekerja keras: mengerjakan tugas yang bertumpuk, belajar dan menghafal untuk ulangan, terjaga sampai larut menyelesaikan proyek dari sekolah, bangun pagi-pagi buta mengejar jam sekolah yang terasa terlalu pagi, terkantuk-kantuk mendengarkan guru bicara sambil menunggu jam istirahat atau jam pulang, berdesak-desakan di kantin sekolah setiap jam makan siang, menebalkan telinga saat mendengar omelan guru karena kalian tertangkap melakukan pelanggaran, menebalkan telinga saat papa dan mama melantunkan lagu merdu karena nilai-nilai di raport berbunga merah. Belum lagi perjuangan hati saat melihat putri atau pangeran pujaan hati lewat di depan kelas bergandengan tangan dengan orang lain. Dan akhirnya semua perjuangan kalian membuahkan hasil: kelulusan.
Lega bahwa satu jenjang sudah terselesikan, tentu! Senang karena kalian telah berhasil melewati masa-masa penuh tantangan, pasti! Bahagia karena hasil kerja sekian tahun sudah terangkum meriah dalam pesta kelulusan, boleh!
Namun, anak-anakku sayang, mari melihat lebih dalam. Apakah itu semua adalah perjuangan semata? Ataukah semua yang kalian alami itu justru merupakan karunia dan kesempatan berharga? Sudahkah kalian bersyukur atas kesempatan yang kalian dapatkan? Untuk setiap kali kalian sulit dibangunkan di pagi hari, terpikirkah bahwa ada anak-anak di luar sana yang setiap pagi harus bangun sebelum matahari terbit karena mereka harus bergegas bekerja mengais rejeki? Untuk setiap keluhan akan PR dan ulangan yang sulit, terpikirkah bahwa anak-anak lain harus bergelut dengan sulitnya kehidupan? Untuk setiap kekecewaan akan nilai yang kurang baik, terpikirkah akan anak-anak yang seumur hidupnya tidak pernah melihat kertas ulangan? Untuk setiap kesia-siaan waktu yang dihabiskan bersenda gurau dengan telepon pintar kalian di waktu belajar, terpikirkah akan anak-anak yang tidak punya cukup waktu untuk melangkahkan kakinya ke sekolah? Untuk setiap omelan karena sopir terlambat menjemput, terpikirkah akan anak-anak yang harus menempuh jarak sehari semalam untuk sekedar mengikuti ujian akhir?
Anak-anakku sayang, berhentilah sejenak dan renungkanlah betapa kalian beruntung sudah diberi kesempatan untuk mendapatkan pendidikan yang layak. Peluklah orangtua kalian dan tataplah mata mereka serta berjanjilah dengan sepenuh hati bahwa kalian akan membuat mereka bangga bukan dengan keberhasilan karena lulus sekolah melainkan karena kalian mampu TUMBUH MENJADI PRIBADI YANG TANGGUH DAN PENUH KASIH PADA SESAMA.
Raising Positive Teens 2 - WHAT'S HAPPENING IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD?
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
“Be thankful that your daughter is being unpredictably difficult to understand,” I said. And I could clearly see that look of disbelief on the face of the well-meaning Mom and Dad who came to me for advice because their once-sweet girl had turned into an unpredictable, sulky, moody, and hard to understand young lady. I could almost hear them say, “Are you out of your mind? You’ve got to be kidding!”
No, I am not. I am serious, as serious as a solemn ceremony, if you know what I mean.
Dear fellow parents, no questions asked, we do want our children to grow with a healthy personality. We hope to see them succeed in all aspects of their life. For this, we continuously send prayers for our children’s wellbeing … as well as for our sanity especially at this time of ‘turmoil.’ And if we are having difficulties understanding what is happening to them, they are even more confused dealing with things happening around them – those that they can control as well as those they have no choice but to comply.
Well, remember the ride along the highway with Buble singing Home from our car stereo system? And remember that blinding light that came out of nowhere? That sudden blinding light is the activated Gonadotropin-releasing Hormone (GnRH), without which our teenagers will not grow taller and bigger, they will not develop their muscle mass, they will experience pubertal failure and they will definitely have no functioning reproductive systems. So, it is that hormone that makes sure our teenagers have normal physical and sexual developments. It is also that hormone that makes our teenagers lose the directions with which they are familiar during the first eleven to twelve years of their life.
For one, the surging hormone necessary in this pubertal phase sends them into the world of dating and/or sexual exploration. Worrying as this may be, the phase is completely normal as it helps teens develop their sense of self as well as discover their own values, needs, and desires. However, it is also important to note that the pre-frontal cortex – the part of the brain responsible for decision making, controlling impulse, pondering over consequences, planning, and problem solving - does not mature until later in early adulthood. So, teenagers might rely heavily on their emotional part of the brain, the amygdala, when making decisions. This may lead to decisions made on impulse, resulting in aggressive, instinctive and emotional behavior.
The hormonal changes and the “slow” brain development are then faced with other factors that all of a sudden become the center of their being. What has been happening in the first twelve years of their life does not seem to matter so much now and they are drawn into other ‘big’ matters. The cute pink dress she used to love so much is now embarrassing because it makes her look fat and chubby. The T-shirt he would wear to any occasions despite our plea to choose another ‘more proper’ outfit is now prickly to his skin. The curly hair she used to be proud of is now the constant source of problem because those curls give her bad hair days everyday. Our constant nagging that he would at least brush his hair before going out has changed into our constant request that he would stop meddling with his spiky hair just because he thinks it needs to be spikier.
The pressure to look good – whatever ‘good’ means in their mind – is starting to pull our kids away from the comfort of childhood. It seems so important for them to dress appropriately to be ‘accepted’ as members of the teenage community. As if this were not enough to put them on the constant ‘lookout’ for the latest trend, the desires to be recognized and to be the first to adopt the latest craze often drag our teenagers even further down the path towards the loss of identity.
What? Loss of identity? But I thought they were in search of their identity.
With the faster-than-light advance in communication technology, teenagers nowadays are facing pressures never before experienced by previous generations. Teenagers nowadays are presented with tons of medias to ‘help’ them not only find the newest fad but also express themselves. Unfortunately, with their lack of ability to make wise choices at this stage, there is a very big risk that they might fall into the trap of following trends just to be recognized and not because they feel comfortable with the new trend. So, instead of finding themselves, they get lost in the identities of their idols. This phenomenon, that seems to happen earlier in teenage girls than their male counterparts, may lead to an erronuous belief that what they post in their Instagram or Path or whatever medias available out there is a way to express themselves. Is it really?
Some teenagers need ‘followers’ and ‘likes’ the way humans need staple food. The more followers they have, the better they feel. The more ‘likes’ they get for their posts, the more boosted their self confidence is. They post anything that may reap as many ‘likes’ as possible. More often than not, they fall into the trap of creating an idealized image that is actually far from their actual self. This creates a great gap between who they think they are and who they appear to be.
Even without the cyber stage, the adolescent years are actually the time when teenagers realize there is a big difference between how they want others to see them and who they think they are. Later as they get older, as they acquire more skills and are able to show real achievements of their endeavors, the gap becomes narrower. And now, before they reach that safe pitstop, social medias are creating more pressure for them to look better than they really are and, thus, they risk losing their own identity as well as self-esteem.
I remember this pretty fifteen-year-old who insisted on saying that she was ugly because she had pimples – on her face as well as on her back. She came to ask for advice on the best dermatologist to help her get rid of those annoying little things. The pressure for her then doubled because she needed not only to look stunning in pictures she would then post on her cyber stage but also to look good in her outfit that would not betray the accepted ‘standard’ of identity as a teenager.
The need to belong to these accepted standards in their circle, along with the desire to be recognized, takes them to a new, even more alluring, ‘playground’ to explore. With facilities now readily ‘available’ for them to test and try, the choices (and risks) are endless. Skipping classes, ganging up on a friend, breaking the curfew, partying, smoking, vaping, drinking, speeding, sexting, porns, free sex … the list continues. Exploring and venturing out into the ‘cool’ stuff seem to be very hard for them to resist but, although it sounds grave and worrying, this exploring phase is in fact normal and necessary to help them discover their identity as well as develop their thinking and reasoning skills.
Hold your horses now! How do exploring and venturing into those (mis)behaviors help my teens develop their thinking and reasoning skills, let alone discover themselves?
This has a lot to do with how the human brain is wired. Studies have disproved that by adolescence, teenagers are equipped with a fully mature brain and it is the lack of experience that makes them behave they way they do. On the contrary, continuous researches and studies show that human brain is not fully mature until someone is in their mid twenties; girls’ brain matures earlier than that of boys.
As the brain develops from back to front, the pre-frontal cortex, the part responsible for examining choices, planning, and making judgments, is the last cerebral lobe to reach maturity. As the brain develops simultaneously with other changes occuring in their physical, emotional and mental states, each activity, experience, and pattern of behavior contributes to the brain development towards maturity. At this stage, experiences, both negative and positive, continuously alter the brain as it matures. Repeated stimuli strengthen the cellular connections in the brain and infrequent occurrences result in the pruning process of the cellular connections that are scarcely used. When it comes to brain development, it is ‘use it or lose it.’
It is clear then that in early adolescence (10-13), when the pre-frontal cortex is far from mature to be able to make sound judgments, it is easy for teenagers to give in to the urge to explore and venture into the ‘unknown’ because they want to experiment with different behavioral patterns. At a later stage, in the middle adolescence (14-17), they start to venture even further to risky behaviors. Part of it is because they want to belong to their community and another part is because they are on the path to discover themselves and their values. Nevertheless, still immature at this point, the pre-frontal cortex is still unable to help them control impulses and stop them from adopting inappropriate behaviors. It is only in the later stage of adolescence (17-19) that teenagers learn to assess their own risk taking.
Those experiences - the experiences of trying out new things and the experiences of accepting the consequences of their behaviors - contribute to how the brain matures: the experiences without which the brain does not have enough data to develop and mature.
Isn’t it clear, then, that ‘letting go’ of our teenagers and accepting them they way they are, is in fact necessary to help them grow up to be functioning adults?
And isn’t it clearer that it is at this time that our teenagers need us most to be present – not as helicopter parents but as their stronghold to instill values with which they can fly and soar while their wings are still not strong enough.
Coming soon: what parents can do to help
Tahukah Engkau, Tuhan?
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Kalau Tuhan mengenal setiap ciptaanNya bahkan sebelum mereka dikandung, apakah Dia juga tahu bahwa Adam dan Hawa akan jatuh dalam dosa? Tahukah Dia bahwa akan ada seekor ular, yang merupakan ciptaanNya juga, yang menggoda Hawa hingga Hawa kemudian mengajak Adam untuk mereguk 'kebahagiaan' bersama? Apakah Dia tahu bahwa ciptaanNya yang paling sempurna akan mengkhianatiNya?
Saya belum menemukan jawaban atas pertanyaan-pertanyaan itu tapi saya belajar satu hal. Di antara selaksa ciptaanNya, hanya ciptaanNya di hari keenam inilah yang diciptakan serupa dengan Allah. Manusia diciptakan dengan kebebasan untuk tetap setia dalam persahabatan intim denganNya atau akan mengedepankan kepentingannya sendiri di atas keberserahannya akan kehendak dan aturan Allah. Kebebasan ini merupakan elemen bawaan yang sepertinya merupakan konsekuensi dari menjadi serupa dengan Allah - kita diperlengkapi dengan self-knowledge dan self-possession. Proses pencarian diri menjadi sangat berarti dalam kehidupan manusia karena proses inilah yang akan menjadikan manusia makhluk yang bertumbuh dan mendewasa dan dapat mendekatkan diri pada panggilan yang sudah Dia tetapkan.
Masalahnya, setiap manusia, dengan dosa asal yang diwariskan oleh Adam dan Hawa, memang akan menua dan kembali menjadi debu. Namun proses menua ini belum tentu dibarengi dengan proses mendewasa yang dibutuhkan untuk makin mendekatkan diri pada hakikat kemuliaan kita sebagai makhluk yang diciptakan sesuai rupa Allah.
Celakanya lagi, kecerdasan tingkat tinggi yang Tuhan berikan pada setiap dari kita seringkali membuat kita malah merasa menjadi tuhan. Tinggi hati, merasa diri paling pintar dan paling benar. Orang lain hanya makhluk-makhluk kacangan yang mengganggu stabilitas kehidupannya. Sok tahu, merasa mampu membuat kesimpulan untuk masa depan dengan berdalih analisa logika. Sok kuat, merasa punya otoritas atas masalah yang datang tanpa mau berserah pada kehendak Sang Pemberi Kehidupan. Besar kepala, menilai segala sesuatu dari ukuran intelektual sehingga lupa bahwa sebagai makhluk yang diciptakan serupa dengan gambar Allah, manusia diberikan tugas untuk berelasi dengan sesama dalam tataran kasih dan pelayanan.
“Sebelum Aku membentuk engkau dalam rahim ibumu, Aku telah mengenal engkau, dan sebelum engkau keluar dari kandungan, Aku telah menguduskan engkau, Aku telah menetapkan engkau menjadi nabi bagi bangsa-bangsa.” (Yer 1:5) Maka tahukah Engkau, Tuhan, apakah aku akan melangkah menjauhiMu atau akankah aku setia pada panggilanku seumur hidupku?
The Time God Saved Me In United Kingdom by Nicholas Budiman
Saturday, November 7, 2015
I was exhausted. I finally reached United Kingdom. I looked around and smelled the fresh air. I could feel the breeze blowing. It was an awesome holiday. Until last night.
Last night was very scary. It went like this.
I got ready for bed after a long trip from Jogjakarta. I brushed my teeth, did my "business", and changed my clothes then I jumped to bed and turned on the TV. I watched BBC and fell asleep. I woke up three hours later feeling very cold. The lights were off, the TV was off, and the AC was on. I didn't remember doing all these stuff. It was very creepy and scary. I pulled the covers and tried to sleep. Well, I couldn't sleep because I felt something weird.
I couldn't sleep because I felt something watching me from the corner of the room. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. Suddenly I was surrounded by a thick white mist. I wasn't on the bed anymore. I was on plain ground. I looked around and saw a big shadow coming closer to me. I screamed and prayed numerous times until the mist dissolved. The big shadow wasn't there and I was back in my room in the original state, light on, TV on, and AC off. Since that night I never went back to that room. I changed rooms with another customer.
FIVE YEARS LATER
I walked into a book and movie store. I asked the owner about horror books and movies then I found a book entitled "The Ghosts of The United Kingdom" and I also found a movie entitled "The Black Shadow". I bought both the book and the film and brought them home. At home I started to read the book and I realised the story was like my experience. So I stopped and watched the movie. Halfway through the movie I saw the black shadow and I froze. The black shadow was the shadow from my experience five years earlier.
The End
The Time I Went Camping - Part 1 by Nicholas Budiman
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
It was dark when we reached there. The boat rocked when it hit the side. I woke up from my dreamless sleep and looked up. We were on a misty island with a small red brick house, a bed of dead flowers and mist beyond the flowers. We walked up the island and set camp in the red brick house.
I woke up because I heard a sound. A strange, yet familiar sound. I took my flashlight and walked outside. I walked slowly out of the red brick house and looked around. I saw something bright in the lake. I heard the familiar sound again. I looked to the left and walked slowly to the bed of dead flowers. There, the sound was so clear I could feel it in my body. Then I realised it was my dogs howling. A shower of relief washed over me.
I walked up to the red brick house and slipped inside. I was shocked because suddenly the red brick house was full of weird animals running around.
I shot up in the tent and looked around. I realised that it was only a dream. Suddenly, I heard a strange yet familiar sound.
~ to be continued
I Love You As I Love You
Sunday, October 18, 2015
It's funny that time and time again people should feel the need to elaborate and define the kind of love they have towards someone. It's true that 'love' has a lot of different meanings in different contexts but when two people truly love each other they should readily know the kind of love that they both share. There should be no need for elaboration.
To me, love is unique.
It's unique for each individual that becomes the object of my affection.
I love different people in different ways, at different depths. No two people get exactly the same kind of love; simply because love is as unique as the people feeling it. Thus, love speaks for itself and needs no explanation.
For me, love goes beyond mere reasons.
At one point in my life, I came to realize that I don't need to have definite reasons for loving someone the way I do. Love exists because of love itself. I don't love someone due to particular qualities that they have. I may like someone because he's kind. I may like someone because she's smart. I may even like someone because he looks stunning. But when I love someone, it's just because I love them.
The way I see it, love is everything that is not.
It's almost impossible to define what love entails. Happiness, content, passion, serenity, calmness? Or sadness, wishful longings and hopes, uncertainties, nerve-wracking anticipations, anxieties? Love is everything that is intoxicating, and yet everything that is disconsolating. Because one cannot exist without the other.
And to me, love is love.
I don't love someone as a lover.
I don't love someone as a child.
I don't love someone as a parent.
I don't love someone as a sibling.
I don't love someone as a friend.
I love someone as an individual that completes me.
I love someone as they are.
I can't define who and what they are to me because love goes beyond who and what.
Oct 18, 2015
01.23
Also dedicated to a friend who's in a dilema ~ love is bound to bring confusion ☺
I Am Letting You Grow
Monday, August 3, 2015
"Can I go to school by bike, Mom?" Nick has been asking that question for months now and the thought of my 11-year-old boy riding in a 'wild and scary' traffic was enough to make my stomach churn. It was not so much because of the distance, but, in my opinon, the traffic was really unbelievable. "Not yet," was the only 'logical' answer I could give him. Until one day he changed his request. "Tomorrow, can I go to church by bike, Mom?"
It's only about 1km from home to our church but, again, that's not the point. I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to make a decision.
His adamant request brought me back to the time when he insisted on going camping with Woodcamp. It was a hard decision for me to let my then 8-year-old boy go on a camping trip to a place I hardly know. I remember clearly how worried and uneasy I was before he left. I remember even more clearly how I felt during the time that he was away. Lots of "what if's" came rushing into my head in torrents. I also remember that in the end I surrendered in continuous prayers, asking God to stay with him every single second.
Did he come back fine?
No! He didn't come back just fine. He came back wonderfully. He came back a new person - happier, more mature, and more confident than he had been before he left. Proudly, he told us all. He told us that camping was fun. He also told us, with immeasurable pride, that he was worried at night but he could conquer it. It was then I knew that my little boy, my little Eaglet, had grown up. He was ready to soar. And I, too, should be ready to have an empty nest soon.
It's only about 1km from home to our church but, again, that's not the point. I didn't know what to say but I knew I had to make a decision.
His adamant request brought me back to the time when he insisted on going camping with Woodcamp. It was a hard decision for me to let my then 8-year-old boy go on a camping trip to a place I hardly know. I remember clearly how worried and uneasy I was before he left. I remember even more clearly how I felt during the time that he was away. Lots of "what if's" came rushing into my head in torrents. I also remember that in the end I surrendered in continuous prayers, asking God to stay with him every single second.
Did he come back fine?
No! He didn't come back just fine. He came back wonderfully. He came back a new person - happier, more mature, and more confident than he had been before he left. Proudly, he told us all. He told us that camping was fun. He also told us, with immeasurable pride, that he was worried at night but he could conquer it. It was then I knew that my little boy, my little Eaglet, had grown up. He was ready to soar. And I, too, should be ready to have an empty nest soon.
"But him riding a bike on the road by himself is a different matter," I heard myself say. Going camping is a lot safer because he is never alone. He has companies. Should anything happen to him, there would be his buddies and coaches to help him. But riding a bike on his own? What if? And there I was with fears and worries running through my head. I could hear myself saying "I know I have to let him do it. It's just not now."
His Dad was more at ease with the idea of Nick riding to church, though. "It's not that far," he said. And, I guess, the fact that he started going places by himself on his bike at the age of 12 made it easier for him to say yes. Still, I was not very sure. As the day came to an end, I still couldn't make a decision, but I was not as adamant as I was before. I still had a few more hours to think and consider but I knew I had to decide soon.
The next day, before the break of dawn, some very strong words hit me. "You have to let him grow. Just believe in God's grace. In the name of love for Nick and his future" a friend told me. It was spot on.
If I truly love him, I have to let him grow.
In the morning, his Dad and I had the "final" talk. We agreed that our decisions about his camping trips had been fruitful for Nick and it was all because we had given him a chance; a chance to prove himself and a chance to grow. So when he said "If you didn't give him a chance, he wouldn't grow," my mind was made up.
I am letting you grow, My Li'l Eaglet.
Fly! Soar! My prayers are always with you.
Apalah Arti Uang Receh
Monday, June 23, 2014
Repost from Sept 08, 2013
"Terima kasih, Mba.." kata Mba Kasir sambil memberikan uang kembalian berikut sebuah permen kecil berbungkus hijau. Permen itu bukan bonus karena berbelanja di mini market tersebut, tapi karena Mba Kasir tidak punya uang recehan untuk kembalian Rp. 200,-. Memori saya tentang permen pengganti receh ini melekat cukup kuat padahal kejadian seperti itu sudah sangat lama tidak pernah saya alami lagi; mungkin lebih dari lima tahun. Saya tidak ingat apakah sekarang masih ada mini market atau supermarket yang masih menggunakan permen sebagai alat bayar. Namun dulu fenomena ini sangat marak baik di supermarket, mini market, ataupun restaurant sampai-sampai ada artikel yang membahasnya.
Artikel tersebut, yang entah ditulis oleh siapa, berkesan cukup mendalam karena sampai sekarang saya masih suka senyum geli kalau ingat atau membahas itu lagi. Dalam artikel itu dipertanyakan apakah kita boleh membayar dengan menggunakan permen untuk benda seharga di bawah Rp. 500,-. Bayangkan, sungguh pemandangan yang menggelikan bukan kalau ada orang yang mengeluarkan uang sebesar Rp. 1.000,- berikut beberapa buah permen untuk membeli sebungkus kopi instan seharga Rp. 1.500,-? Jujur, saya sangat ingin mencoba tapi saya masih terlalu sayang pada harga diri untuk mencoba melakukan hal sekocak itu.
Setelah bertahun-tahun permen kembalian menghilang dari kebudayaan jual-beli kita - minimal saya tidak pernah mengalami lagi - saya menemukan fenomena lain sehubungan dengan uang kembalian. Kali ini saya rasa jauh lebih parah daripada permen kembalian.
Akhir tahun lalu, 2012, saya makan malam bersama keluarga di sebuah restaurant Jepang yang baru buka di sebuah mall di bilangan utara kota Bandung. Setelah selesai, kami membayar dan menerima kembalian. Waktu saya hitung ternyata uang kembalian yang saya terima tidak sesuai; kekurangannya Rp. 1.800,-. Hati saya tergelitik untuk bertanya tapi saya malu. Dalam hati saya mengatakan pada diri sendiri, "Ah, uang kecil koq pake ribut. Makan saja kita menghabiskan sekian ratus ribu, masa uang kecil ribut." Tapi sesaat sebelum memasukkan uang kembalian yang kurang tadi berikut notanya ke dalam dompet, saya sadar ternyata ada minuman kaleng yang belum tertagihkan. Di supermarket, minuman seperti itu harganya di bawah Rp. 10.000,- jadi saya menyiapkan uang Rp. 15.000,- dan pergilah kita ke meja kasir untuk membayar. Nota tagihan untuk minuman kaleng tersebut keluar dan ternyata saya harus membayar sekitar Rp. 17.000,- termasuk tax & service. Waktu saya merogoh tas untuk mengeluarkan kekurangannya, suami saya berkata, "Pakai saja selisih uang kita yang ada di kembalian tadi." Mungkin karena merasa tidak enak hati, maka Mas Kasir mengiyakan.
Saya pikir kejadian seperti ini hanya terjadi di restoran ini; karena baru buka jadi masih belum siap uang receh untuk uang kembali. Ternyata saya keliru. Malam ini saya makan di restoran Jepang yang baru buka di area Bandung tengah. Karena katanya ada perbedaan management antara penyedia makanan dan minuman, maka minuman dibayar lebih dulu dalam nota terpisah. Ternyata minuman memang disediakan oleh restoran Jepang satu lantai di bawah sementara kami makan di restoran Jepang (yang berbeda jenis) di lantai dua. Saat membayar dan menerima uang kembali dari kedua restoran ini, saya mendapati bahwa uang kembali yang saya terima tidak sesuai. Kali ini jumlah kekurangannya jauh lebih kecil, hanya hitungan di bawah Rp. 1.000,-. Saya tidak mau memperpanjang masalah karena, lagi-lagi, saya malu meributkan uang kecil padahal saya menghabiskan beberapa ratus ribu di restoran itu. Tapi hati saya penasaran dan jadi teringat kejadian akhir tahun lalu. Karena itu, saat sang pelayan restoran memberikan kuestioner, tumpahlah unek-unek dalam hati saya.
Setelah saya renungkan, saya teringat bahwa saya cukup sering mengalami uang kembalian receh yang diminta oleh pihak supermarket. Salah satu supermarket chain besar di Indonesia mempunyai kebiasaan untuk "meminta" uang kembalian sejumlah di bawah Rp. 500,-. Permintaannya kurang lebih seperti ini, "Dua ratus rupiahnya boleh untuk disumbangkan, Bu?" Dan jumlah yang diminta itu akan dicantumkan dalam struk belanja sebagai "donasi". Setelah merenung, saya sadar bahwa saya tidak pernah merasa kesal dengan kejadian ini. Mungkin karena judulnya donasi, saya lebih yakin uang receh itu akan berguna untuk orang-orang yang memang membutuhkan.
Saya tersadar bahwa ini bukan mengenai jumlahnya tetapi lebih pada kejujuran kasir dan/atau pemilik restoran tadi. Saya yakin tulisan saya di kuestioner restoran tadi hanya mewakili segelintir orang saja, tapi setidaknya saya puas dengan mengungkapkan apa yang saya rasakan. Mudah-mudahan ini hanya kejadian sekali-sekali yang terpaksa dilakukan karena restoran baru tersebut belum menyiapkan uang receh untuk uang kembali. Mudah-mudahan ini tidak akan menjadi fenomena pengganti dari fenomena sebelumnya yaitu menggunakan permen sebagai alat bayar.
"Terima kasih, Mba.." kata Mba Kasir sambil memberikan uang kembalian berikut sebuah permen kecil berbungkus hijau. Permen itu bukan bonus karena berbelanja di mini market tersebut, tapi karena Mba Kasir tidak punya uang recehan untuk kembalian Rp. 200,-. Memori saya tentang permen pengganti receh ini melekat cukup kuat padahal kejadian seperti itu sudah sangat lama tidak pernah saya alami lagi; mungkin lebih dari lima tahun. Saya tidak ingat apakah sekarang masih ada mini market atau supermarket yang masih menggunakan permen sebagai alat bayar. Namun dulu fenomena ini sangat marak baik di supermarket, mini market, ataupun restaurant sampai-sampai ada artikel yang membahasnya.
Artikel tersebut, yang entah ditulis oleh siapa, berkesan cukup mendalam karena sampai sekarang saya masih suka senyum geli kalau ingat atau membahas itu lagi. Dalam artikel itu dipertanyakan apakah kita boleh membayar dengan menggunakan permen untuk benda seharga di bawah Rp. 500,-. Bayangkan, sungguh pemandangan yang menggelikan bukan kalau ada orang yang mengeluarkan uang sebesar Rp. 1.000,- berikut beberapa buah permen untuk membeli sebungkus kopi instan seharga Rp. 1.500,-? Jujur, saya sangat ingin mencoba tapi saya masih terlalu sayang pada harga diri untuk mencoba melakukan hal sekocak itu.
Setelah bertahun-tahun permen kembalian menghilang dari kebudayaan jual-beli kita - minimal saya tidak pernah mengalami lagi - saya menemukan fenomena lain sehubungan dengan uang kembalian. Kali ini saya rasa jauh lebih parah daripada permen kembalian.
Akhir tahun lalu, 2012, saya makan malam bersama keluarga di sebuah restaurant Jepang yang baru buka di sebuah mall di bilangan utara kota Bandung. Setelah selesai, kami membayar dan menerima kembalian. Waktu saya hitung ternyata uang kembalian yang saya terima tidak sesuai; kekurangannya Rp. 1.800,-. Hati saya tergelitik untuk bertanya tapi saya malu. Dalam hati saya mengatakan pada diri sendiri, "Ah, uang kecil koq pake ribut. Makan saja kita menghabiskan sekian ratus ribu, masa uang kecil ribut." Tapi sesaat sebelum memasukkan uang kembalian yang kurang tadi berikut notanya ke dalam dompet, saya sadar ternyata ada minuman kaleng yang belum tertagihkan. Di supermarket, minuman seperti itu harganya di bawah Rp. 10.000,- jadi saya menyiapkan uang Rp. 15.000,- dan pergilah kita ke meja kasir untuk membayar. Nota tagihan untuk minuman kaleng tersebut keluar dan ternyata saya harus membayar sekitar Rp. 17.000,- termasuk tax & service. Waktu saya merogoh tas untuk mengeluarkan kekurangannya, suami saya berkata, "Pakai saja selisih uang kita yang ada di kembalian tadi." Mungkin karena merasa tidak enak hati, maka Mas Kasir mengiyakan.
Saya pikir kejadian seperti ini hanya terjadi di restoran ini; karena baru buka jadi masih belum siap uang receh untuk uang kembali. Ternyata saya keliru. Malam ini saya makan di restoran Jepang yang baru buka di area Bandung tengah. Karena katanya ada perbedaan management antara penyedia makanan dan minuman, maka minuman dibayar lebih dulu dalam nota terpisah. Ternyata minuman memang disediakan oleh restoran Jepang satu lantai di bawah sementara kami makan di restoran Jepang (yang berbeda jenis) di lantai dua. Saat membayar dan menerima uang kembali dari kedua restoran ini, saya mendapati bahwa uang kembali yang saya terima tidak sesuai. Kali ini jumlah kekurangannya jauh lebih kecil, hanya hitungan di bawah Rp. 1.000,-. Saya tidak mau memperpanjang masalah karena, lagi-lagi, saya malu meributkan uang kecil padahal saya menghabiskan beberapa ratus ribu di restoran itu. Tapi hati saya penasaran dan jadi teringat kejadian akhir tahun lalu. Karena itu, saat sang pelayan restoran memberikan kuestioner, tumpahlah unek-unek dalam hati saya.
Setelah saya renungkan, saya teringat bahwa saya cukup sering mengalami uang kembalian receh yang diminta oleh pihak supermarket. Salah satu supermarket chain besar di Indonesia mempunyai kebiasaan untuk "meminta" uang kembalian sejumlah di bawah Rp. 500,-. Permintaannya kurang lebih seperti ini, "Dua ratus rupiahnya boleh untuk disumbangkan, Bu?" Dan jumlah yang diminta itu akan dicantumkan dalam struk belanja sebagai "donasi". Setelah merenung, saya sadar bahwa saya tidak pernah merasa kesal dengan kejadian ini. Mungkin karena judulnya donasi, saya lebih yakin uang receh itu akan berguna untuk orang-orang yang memang membutuhkan.
Saya tersadar bahwa ini bukan mengenai jumlahnya tetapi lebih pada kejujuran kasir dan/atau pemilik restoran tadi. Saya yakin tulisan saya di kuestioner restoran tadi hanya mewakili segelintir orang saja, tapi setidaknya saya puas dengan mengungkapkan apa yang saya rasakan. Mudah-mudahan ini hanya kejadian sekali-sekali yang terpaksa dilakukan karena restoran baru tersebut belum menyiapkan uang receh untuk uang kembali. Mudah-mudahan ini tidak akan menjadi fenomena pengganti dari fenomena sebelumnya yaitu menggunakan permen sebagai alat bayar.
My Me Time, Alone In Bali
Friday, June 20, 2014
This is the last day of my holiday, my me time, alone in Bali. What have I accomplished? Have I achieved what I came here for?
A friend said that if I wanted to do some contemplating and reflecting, I was supposed to come to a guru. I wasn't supposed to be by myself.
Another friend said that if I wanted to refresh and renew, rediscover my reasons for being, I was supposed to join a meditation class.
I lead with my heart. My heart said I should go by myself. My heart said I should spend some time alone. And I did.
So, how did it go?
In the beginning it was rather awkward. At the airport I saw people going in groups, small and big - with families, with a partner, with friends - and this made me feel somewhat selfish. There I was, leaving for a holiday in Bali, all by myself.
Then, as soon as I reached Bali, I felt a lot better. I left my family at home but I knew that part of this trip was for my family. I didn't like the me that I had turned into the last few months. Well, I did see how I'd changed in the last few years. But the last few months were terrible. I was in the brink of a nervous breakdown. I even had a few anxiety attacks that once led me to the ER. And once, without warning, I found myself opening up to my very close friends, something I would not do in normal circumstances. This is surely a sign that I could bear it no longer.
A friend told me to go around Bali and have fun.
Another friend told me to visit Kintamani and Bedugul for reasons I did not care to find out.
Another friend advised me to rent a car and go to places I want to visit.
Again, I lead with my heart. My heart said I should just stay still and be quiet. My heart said I should just contemplate. And I did.
Anyway, keeping my words not to deal with work and my small "universe" was tougher than I thought. I knew that some friends told me to just turn off my line of communication. No mobile devices whatsoever. I tried that, but it made me uneasy. I wanted my life to be on pause. But I wanted life around me to run as usual. I wanted to know that my world still revolved even without me present, because that was what my trip was about. I wanted to be on the sideline from time to time. I didn't like to be the centre of my small "universe." I didn't like to be the "military base" (borrowing Nick's terms about me). I didn't want to be the most important part of my small "universe." And keeping my mobile devices on allowed me to see and feel that the world did revolve without me present.
Keeping my mobile devices on (most of the time) also made me realize that I matter in this world. I know that I am needed and I am missed (Sorry for not replying your texts or answering your calls, though. Nothing personal, really!). I also know that what I do in this world matters. Otherwise, people would not realize I was "missing." Well, I guess this is just me being vain. #blush#
This alone has made me realize that I should just embrace whatever role God has entrusted me with. I shouldn't have complained. I shouldn't have whined. I should just embrace. I should just enjoy it while it lasts.
Well, several times during this "me time", I felt like I blew it. I was negatively affected by what was going on. I failed to embrace the moment. I forgot to let go. I snapped. I controlled. I dominated, even from afar. I even thought that the whole trip would be a waste.
But, I'd like to believe that God knows me soooo well that He kept on pushing me to the limit so I could see which way to go once I reached the diverging lanes.
There was once a memorable incident. (Well, the word "memorable" cannot quite describe it, but I can't think of a better word.) I was sitting on the beach, far from the water line. I didn't want to get wet so I stayed in a safe distance. I looked at the waves. I listened to the sound of the wind, the sound of the water, the sound of nature, the sound of "God." Then, there they came... feelings that I knew I had to let go but I stubbornly kept in the centre of my heart. Feelings that I was supposed to just let go so I could move on with my life. Feelings that hurt me so much. Feelings that became the biggest reason for this trip. Then God touched me. He came with the water that suddenly touched me. I was sitting very far from the water line. I didn't want to get wet. But the water lapped my feet. I was sitting very far from the water line but the water came close to me. God touched me. That's how I want to believe. Because right at that moment I knew... I knew why... I knew how... I just knew...
And now, at the end of my trip, I can proudly say that I have accomplished some of the things I set out to do. I'm going home with a new perspective on life. I'm going home knowing that I'm not alone.
There is a big gaping hole, a deep scar, that I have to carry home now, though. But still, I'm happy. This scar is a reminder that I'm human. I'm alive. I have feelings. I'm not numb. After all, what's the point of living when we can no longer feel. I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all.
I came here hoping to refresh and renew. I'm going home with new perspectives.
I came here hoping to rediscover my reasons for being. I'm going home with confidence.
I came here hoping to wash away my pain, my burdens. I'm going home with an aching heart to remind me I'm human.
I am content.
PS:
Thank you, my Beacon, Aan, for understanding how I need this trip.
Thank you, my Little Eaglet, Nick, for letting me have this precious "me-time."
Thank you, my Inspiring Mom, for believing in me.
Thank you, my ever-trusting Sister, Yinni, for worrying about me so much that you must've sent continuous prayers while I'm here.
Thank you, my dearest Sister, Meily, for not questioning me why.
Thank you, my ever-understanding Sister, Memey, for showing me that it's ok.
Thank you, my best Confidants, Herny, Irene, Miming, for your constant support.
Thank you, my Invaluable Guru, Sapta Dwikardana, for showing me that I'm not (that) weird.
And for my little baby in Heaven, I love you... Mommy's letting you go but never will you ever be forgotten.. You are forever in my heart.. Till we meet again.. I love you...
Raising Positive Teens - Part 1
Wednesday, June 18, 2014
Nick: I think Koko Dylan doesn't want to play with me anymore.
Me: Why do you think so?
Nick: He's always so busy with his i-Pod and he almost never talks to me now.
Me: O yes, I can see that.
Nick: He used to play with us but now he's very quiet. Maybe he doesn't like me.
Me: Koko Dylan is turning into a teenager, Nick. It's not that he doesn't like YOU. He likes different things now. His own music, his own gadget..
Nick: Are all teenagers like that?
Me: Hhhhmmm... All teenagers, like all children, are different. But most children change when they turn into teenagers.
Nick: How?
Me: For one, they're sometimes snappy.. especially to their own parents.
Nick: I will NEVER change. I will NEVER be like Koko Dylan.
Me: Okay.... (searching for the right words)
Nick: And I will NEVER be snappy.. especially to you! I love you.. (tears welling up his little eyes)
Me: I love you, Nick... (hugging him even tighter, knowing that this, too, shall pass one day)
It happened almost two years ago when he was just eight; when he was still my little knight, my little eaglet, my biggest fan... Now, he's five months short to eleven years old and he has forgotten his promise not to be snappy. He's snappy when we ask him to repeat a statement that we fail to understand. He's snappy when things don't go his way. He's snappy when we ask him to do things he doesn't want to do. And that's not all... He locks his bedroom door. He doesn't listen and always asks "why?" in a more pressing manner. He enjoys spending more time with his friend than with his once-inseperable cousin. He ignores us from time to time. And he's just a pre-teen!
Well, he still kisses me in private as well as in public, holds my hands when walking, hugs me when he comes home from school (when he's no too tired), cuddles and asks me to tuck him in every night. Part of him is still the little eaglet that I know. But I know that very soon he's going to fly and soar, reaching his own star. And when the time comes, I'm gonna have to let go.
My fellow parents, when your once-sweet-and-cute-and-cuddly babies turn to somebody remotely similar to the ones you know for over 10 years, do not panic! Instead, be HAPPY and be THANKFUL!
But how can we be happy and thankful for those hard times? It's soooo hard to love that snappy little mouth; not to mention the hawk-eye look everytime we ask him to do something he doesn't want to do or the cold shoulder we get everytime we want to know what's going on in that not-so-little mind. Well, let's first look at the big picture and once you can see that with a clear mind, your roller coaster journey with your teens will be worthwhile.
First, let's look at what happens in different stages of life.
Nobody, your child included, is born with established identity, except for the genetic traits that you pass down to him. So when your child is born, he is a clean slate. In the first five years of his life, he accumulates as much data as possible from the world around him. The next five years is a period when the data is refined and your child shows certain behavior that reflects his sense of self according to the data he has previously accumulated. During pre-teen, between 10 and 12 years of age, your child is forming beliefs about the world and about himself. These beliefs rule his actions (moral and ethics). Then, after about 12 years living the safe and comfortable life as he knows it, suddenly, BAM!!!! along comes puberty.
In this period - PUBERTY - "everything he knows about life and about himself is swept away in a rush of surging hormones and he has to START OVER." (Positive Discipline For Teenagers - Nelson and Lott)
Imagine yourself driving along a smooth highroad, Michael Buble singing "Home" in the background, windows down so you can feel the breeze... then, out of nowhere, you see light in front of you, so bright that you lose control of where to go. Having passed this road a thousand times, you know perfectly well there is no turning so you only have one choice: drive on! You keep going, more slowly, trying to figure out what is happening and where you are heading. That, my fellow parents, is what our children are feeling when they enter adolescence.
Adolescence, or the teenage years, is a transition time for kids and parents alike. If you think it's hard for you, it's even harder for them! They are feeling some things they have never felt before. They experience changes to their bodies that they can only imagine before. All that they have learnt about puberty, at school as well as at home, come rushing to them in pails, in buckets, and in torrents. They are at a loss.
To make matters worse, the education system all over the world sees this time as the perfect momentum to separate our children from the trusted and well-established connection in a stable group of primary teachers. During high school, teachers do not relate to students on a personal level anymore because, at this time, teachers change every hour according to subjects. Children can no longer feel safe in the hands of one or two teachers that can give them constant guidance to help them understand. Now, they have many teachers but none of them show interest in getting to know them personally. They come and go as the bell rings. They've lost a trusted source of information.
How about parents? Us? Well, with a growing needs to survive in this modern world, most families need to have two sources of income, both from the dad and the mom. Thus, you have less time to spend with your children. When you do hang out together, more often than not, you choose safe subjects; subjects that do not intrude and subjects that do not need serious discussions. This is for the sake of quality time, some people say. But one thing that most people share in common is that they don't feel at ease talking about hormonal changes, sexual or non sexual - the one area that your children are at a complete loss.
Then, there is the inexplicable need to "rediscover" themselves. They no longer want to be associated with being kids. They want to separate from the stereotype of being children. They are big now. They want you to know that they can do things without your help (read: hovering around and breathing down their neck). However, they know perfectly well that they need you to help them survive. Yet, they are too proud to ask. They need to create a new identity, an identity that they can call their own. They are no longer your little knight, little princess, little eaglet, little owlet, little fawn, and other sweet looking babies you can think of. They need to come out of their shell - transforming like a butterfly.
For them to be able to do this, they need support. From you, the parents. They need you to say that everything will be alright. They need to hear from you "It's ok, dear. Go seize the day. Make mistakes and learn from them! We're here whenever you need us."
But what happens in real life? As parents, we worry. As parents, we want to protect them. As parents, we want to make sure they're safe. As parents, we want them to succeed. As parents, we want them to avoid the mistakes that we did in the past when we were their age. To safe them from failure, from getting hurt, from being left behind. We want to safe them from a process of growing!
Fellow parents, this series of articles "Raising Positive Teens" are not meant to instruct you. This is merely a reminder that we were once a teenager. We might have been lost in the past but we came out fine. We might have failed in the past, but we got up and continued our journey. And here we are, stronger than before. Let's help our teenagers survive their own battle, by first getting to know what's going on in their little world of adolescence.
Next in the series:
- what your teenagers are facing in the outside world
- how we can help them survive
Me: Why do you think so?
Nick: He's always so busy with his i-Pod and he almost never talks to me now.
Me: O yes, I can see that.
Nick: He used to play with us but now he's very quiet. Maybe he doesn't like me.
Me: Koko Dylan is turning into a teenager, Nick. It's not that he doesn't like YOU. He likes different things now. His own music, his own gadget..
Nick: Are all teenagers like that?
Me: Hhhhmmm... All teenagers, like all children, are different. But most children change when they turn into teenagers.
Nick: How?
Me: For one, they're sometimes snappy.. especially to their own parents.
Nick: I will NEVER change. I will NEVER be like Koko Dylan.
Me: Okay.... (searching for the right words)
Nick: And I will NEVER be snappy.. especially to you! I love you.. (tears welling up his little eyes)
Me: I love you, Nick... (hugging him even tighter, knowing that this, too, shall pass one day)
It happened almost two years ago when he was just eight; when he was still my little knight, my little eaglet, my biggest fan... Now, he's five months short to eleven years old and he has forgotten his promise not to be snappy. He's snappy when we ask him to repeat a statement that we fail to understand. He's snappy when things don't go his way. He's snappy when we ask him to do things he doesn't want to do. And that's not all... He locks his bedroom door. He doesn't listen and always asks "why?" in a more pressing manner. He enjoys spending more time with his friend than with his once-inseperable cousin. He ignores us from time to time. And he's just a pre-teen!
Well, he still kisses me in private as well as in public, holds my hands when walking, hugs me when he comes home from school (when he's no too tired), cuddles and asks me to tuck him in every night. Part of him is still the little eaglet that I know. But I know that very soon he's going to fly and soar, reaching his own star. And when the time comes, I'm gonna have to let go.
My fellow parents, when your once-sweet-and-cute-and-cuddly babies turn to somebody remotely similar to the ones you know for over 10 years, do not panic! Instead, be HAPPY and be THANKFUL!
But how can we be happy and thankful for those hard times? It's soooo hard to love that snappy little mouth; not to mention the hawk-eye look everytime we ask him to do something he doesn't want to do or the cold shoulder we get everytime we want to know what's going on in that not-so-little mind. Well, let's first look at the big picture and once you can see that with a clear mind, your roller coaster journey with your teens will be worthwhile.
First, let's look at what happens in different stages of life.
Nobody, your child included, is born with established identity, except for the genetic traits that you pass down to him. So when your child is born, he is a clean slate. In the first five years of his life, he accumulates as much data as possible from the world around him. The next five years is a period when the data is refined and your child shows certain behavior that reflects his sense of self according to the data he has previously accumulated. During pre-teen, between 10 and 12 years of age, your child is forming beliefs about the world and about himself. These beliefs rule his actions (moral and ethics). Then, after about 12 years living the safe and comfortable life as he knows it, suddenly, BAM!!!! along comes puberty.
In this period - PUBERTY - "everything he knows about life and about himself is swept away in a rush of surging hormones and he has to START OVER." (Positive Discipline For Teenagers - Nelson and Lott)
Imagine yourself driving along a smooth highroad, Michael Buble singing "Home" in the background, windows down so you can feel the breeze... then, out of nowhere, you see light in front of you, so bright that you lose control of where to go. Having passed this road a thousand times, you know perfectly well there is no turning so you only have one choice: drive on! You keep going, more slowly, trying to figure out what is happening and where you are heading. That, my fellow parents, is what our children are feeling when they enter adolescence.
Adolescence, or the teenage years, is a transition time for kids and parents alike. If you think it's hard for you, it's even harder for them! They are feeling some things they have never felt before. They experience changes to their bodies that they can only imagine before. All that they have learnt about puberty, at school as well as at home, come rushing to them in pails, in buckets, and in torrents. They are at a loss.
To make matters worse, the education system all over the world sees this time as the perfect momentum to separate our children from the trusted and well-established connection in a stable group of primary teachers. During high school, teachers do not relate to students on a personal level anymore because, at this time, teachers change every hour according to subjects. Children can no longer feel safe in the hands of one or two teachers that can give them constant guidance to help them understand. Now, they have many teachers but none of them show interest in getting to know them personally. They come and go as the bell rings. They've lost a trusted source of information.
How about parents? Us? Well, with a growing needs to survive in this modern world, most families need to have two sources of income, both from the dad and the mom. Thus, you have less time to spend with your children. When you do hang out together, more often than not, you choose safe subjects; subjects that do not intrude and subjects that do not need serious discussions. This is for the sake of quality time, some people say. But one thing that most people share in common is that they don't feel at ease talking about hormonal changes, sexual or non sexual - the one area that your children are at a complete loss.
Then, there is the inexplicable need to "rediscover" themselves. They no longer want to be associated with being kids. They want to separate from the stereotype of being children. They are big now. They want you to know that they can do things without your help (read: hovering around and breathing down their neck). However, they know perfectly well that they need you to help them survive. Yet, they are too proud to ask. They need to create a new identity, an identity that they can call their own. They are no longer your little knight, little princess, little eaglet, little owlet, little fawn, and other sweet looking babies you can think of. They need to come out of their shell - transforming like a butterfly.
For them to be able to do this, they need support. From you, the parents. They need you to say that everything will be alright. They need to hear from you "It's ok, dear. Go seize the day. Make mistakes and learn from them! We're here whenever you need us."
But what happens in real life? As parents, we worry. As parents, we want to protect them. As parents, we want to make sure they're safe. As parents, we want them to succeed. As parents, we want them to avoid the mistakes that we did in the past when we were their age. To safe them from failure, from getting hurt, from being left behind. We want to safe them from a process of growing!
Fellow parents, this series of articles "Raising Positive Teens" are not meant to instruct you. This is merely a reminder that we were once a teenager. We might have been lost in the past but we came out fine. We might have failed in the past, but we got up and continued our journey. And here we are, stronger than before. Let's help our teenagers survive their own battle, by first getting to know what's going on in their little world of adolescence.
Next in the series:
- what your teenagers are facing in the outside world
- how we can help them survive
Berserah Bukan Menyerah
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Buatku, kehidupan seperti sebuah event marathon. Di saat kita memutuskan untuk ikut dalam kegiatan ini, hanya ada satu pilihan: SELESAIKAN sampai ke garis finish! Well, tentu saja ada pilihan untuk berhenti di tengah, menyerah dan drop out. Tapi setiap marathon runners selalu mempersiapkan diri mereka dengan serius. Latihan dan persiapan yang mereka lakukan menunjukkan bahwa quitting is never an option. Jadi saat mereka memulai, hanya satu yang ada dalam pikiran mereka: reach the finish line!
Seperti itulah aku melihat kehidupan. Sebuah pertandingan marathon. Bedanya adalah bahwa kita sebagai peserta tidak memilih dengan rela hati. Apa pun alasan orangtua kita saat mereka melahirkan kita, kita DIPAKSA untuk menjadi peserta marathon event SEUMUR HIDUP kita. Seperti Pheidippides, messenger dan pahlawan Yunani, yang harus berlari dari Battle of Marathon ke Atena dengan satu tujuan: menyampaikan berita kemenangan mereka. Konon, begitu tujuan tercapai, Pheidippides langsung tumbang dan mati. Bagiku legenda ini tragis. Namun bagi sejarah hal ini adalah tindakan kepahlawanan. Dan seperti inilah aku melihat kehidupan.
Aku yakin di atas sana Tuhan punya peta kehidupan yang harus kita selesaikan. Suka tidak suka, mau tidak mau, rela hati atau terpaksa, tantangan dan rintangan sudah dipetakan juga dalam buku kehidupan kita. Bagaimana kita menjalani rangkaian tantangan dan rintangan itu lah yang akan menentukan reward yang bisa kita terima di akhir kehidupan. Sebagai marathon runners, kita punya banyak pilihan bagaimana kita menyelesaikan pertandingan kita. Kita bisa memilih untuk berlari sambil bernyanyi, berlari sambil menggerutu, berlari dengan penuh semangat, atau berlari sambil marah-marah, berlari dengan selalu fokus pada tujuan akhir, atau berlari asal tanpa arah... we have all the choices! Satu hal yang tidak bisa kita pilih adalah berhenti. Quitting is never an option!
Bagiku pribadi, dalam Life Marathon - pertandingan marathon kehidupan - aku punya dua pilihan besar: berserah atau menyerah?
Hhhmmm... berserah atau menyerah? Pilihan yang mempunyai dasar kata yang sama tapi punya arti yang sangat berbeda. Walaupun pada prakteknya perbedaan itu seringkali tidak terlihat, dan alhasil yang terjadi adalah manusia (baca: aku) menjadi apatis dan kehilangan motivasi...berlari asal tanpa arah!
Sebagai seorang yang terlahir dominan kortex (pinjem istilah fingerprint analysis), konsep berserah itu sangat menakutkan. Konsep berserah bagiku tidak dapat diterima dengan mudah karena tidak dapat diterima oleh logika. Bagaimana tidak? Berserah berarti mempercayakan diri kita sepenuhnya pada Sang Pencipta dengan menanggalkan semua hak pribadi kita dan membuang semua kedagingan kita. Berserah dilakukan dengan rela hati tanpa paksaan dari siapa pun dan karena kondisi apa pun.
Tapi Tuhan memang hebat dalam mendewasakan manusia. Dalam perjalanan Life Marathon yang sudah disiapkan khusus bagiku, aku tentu saja sering harus menghadapi rintangan dan tantangan. Dari segala rintangan yang aku harus lewati, ada satu masalah besar yang sangat mengganggu. Pelik, menyesakkan dada, dan seolah tak berujung. Bertahun-tahun masalah ini aku coba hadapi dengan kekuatan otakku yang tidak terlalu besar. Aku menolak berhenti berusaha dan berjuang agar aku mampu keluar dari masalah ini. Kalau ibarat petinju, aku sudah babak belur, berdarah-darah, patah tulang di beberapa tempat. Dan aku masih terus berusaha dengan usaha dan kekuatanku sendiri, menolak untuk berserah. Bukan karena aku tidak percaya pada Sang Pencipta, tapi karena aku takut. Konsep berserah ini membuatku seolah tak berdaya. Dan aku tidak suka berada dalam posisi tidak berdaya. Aku pejuang. Aku seorang fighter. Walaupun aku tahu tenaga dan pikiranku terbatas tapi dalam hidupku aku selalu berpikir bahwa kalau aku tidak berjuang, aku akan mati.
Setelah bertahun-tahun, akhirnya aku lelah berjuang. Aku mulai memaksakan diri untuk menikmati masalah dan tekanan yang aku alami. Sebagai pelari Life Marathon aku tidak punya pilihan kecuali terus berlari. Aku punya pilihan untuk berlari sambil marah dan menyesali nasib. Tapi aku tahu bahwa dengan begitu, perjalananku akan terasa sangat berat dan aku akan terus berdarah-darah. Jadi aku memutuskan untuk berlari sambil bernyanyi. Aku berlari sambil terus fokus pada satu tujuan, menyelesaikan pertandingan marathon hidupku. Aku berlari tanpa bertanya lagi "why me?". Sudah lelah aku bertanya karena tidak pernah mendapat jawaban. Akhirnya aku melakukan satu-satunya hal yang paling aku hindari selama hidupku.
Aku tidak berserah. Aku menyerah. Kenapa?
Karena pada saat kita berserah, kita melakukannya dengan rela hati tanpa paksaan. Pada saat kita berserah, kita berani melompat dari gedung 73 lantai tanpa berpikir. Just do! Damai sejahtera dan sukacita menjadi reward yang sudah pasti didapatkan di tangan tanpa usaha. Tanggalkan semua hak pribadi dan kedagingan kita. Kita seperti sebuah botol kosong yang hanyut dibawa aliran air. Kemana pun Sang Pencipta membawa kita, kita yakin dan percaya kita akan sampai tujuan dengan selamat.
Namun menyerah berarti kita menerima kekalahan kita. Kita berjuang sampai titik darah penghabisan dan akhirnya tahu bahwa semua sia-sia. Ada dua pilihan, terus berjuang dan kita akan terus berdarah dan terluka; atau menyerah dan katakan "cukup!" Cukup sudah benturan, pukulan, tusukan, dan tikaman yang kita dapat terima. Sekarang saatnya kita beristirahat.
Saat beristirahat inilah kita punya kesempatan untuk berdiam diri. Refleksi atas semua kejadian dalam hidup kita yang membuat kita berdarah-darah dan terluka di seluruh tubuh dan jiwa kita. Saat beristirahat inilah otak dan tubuh kita berdiam. Telinga dan mata hati kita mulai bekerja lebih tajam. Janji-janji yang diberikan Sang Pencipta mulai terdengar masuk akal dan lebih mudah dicerna. Sebagian mungkin karena otak dan tubuh kita sudah lelah bekerja. Sebagian lagi mungkin karena ini adalah tujuanNya sejak awal. Agar kita bertumbuh menjadi dewasa. Agar kita bertumbuh menjadi manusia baru yang lebih siap untuk masuk dalam tempat yang sudah Dia siapkan bagi kita.
Bagiku, hidup adalah pertandingan marathon. Quitting is never an option. Reaching the finish line is a must.
Bagiku, berserah tidak mendewasakan.
Bagiku, menyerah adalah saat kita keluar dari bejana yang sudah melebur dan membentuk kita.
Bagiku, menyerah adalah saat di mana logika berhenti bicara.
Bagiku, menyerah adalah saat kita mampu mendengar suara Sang Pencipta dengan lebih jelas.
Karena pada saat kita menyerah, kita menanggalkan semua ke-aku-an kita dan mulai membiarkan kuasa Sang Pencipta bekerja.
Happy Birthday To Me
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Don Moen - Still / Be Still And Know
Biasanya hari terakhir menjelang tiup lilin, saya merenung. Merenung tentang keinginan pribadi untuk tahun berikutnya. Merenung juga tentang berkat sepanjang tahun yang saya terima, tapi kebanyakan apa yang mengisi kepala adalah cita-cita besar untuk setahun di depan. Apalagi setelah beberapa tahun saya lakukan ini dan Big Boss selalu campur tangan mengabulkan keinginan saya, saya semakin gigih mencari my wish for the next year.
Tahun ini, menjelang lilin ke-41, saya kembali merenung, mencari kualitas diri apa yang ingin saya capai lebih sempurna. Sesungguhnya perenungan tahun ini tampaknya sudah dimulai lebih cepat karena sejak dua bulan lalu saya seringkali berpikir tentang ini. Tapi sampai saat saya duduk di depan laptop, belum ada satu pun kata yang terpikir. Hmmm… apakah ini efek mid-life crisis seperti yang terus menerus digaungkan oleh beberapa teman? I don’t know…
Jadi apa yang ada dalam kepala saya?
Perenungan malam ini banyak membuat saya tercekat, jantung saya berdegup kencang, dan bernafas pun terasa agak sulit. (Harus hati-hati, or else saya bisa masuk IGD lagi.. hahaha…) Anyway, kilasan-kilasan pengalaman muncul begitu jelas membuat menyesakkan dada. Malam ini saya seperti menonton film kehidupan saya dengan jelas. Dan perenungan malam ini seperti menjadi tanda betapa saya ternyata sangat menginginkan kehidupan yang berbeda. Perenungan malam ini seperti menjadi momentum pengingat bahwa bersyukur membuat saya menjadi malas membuat perubahan dalam hidup.
Don’t get me wrong… Saya tetap bersyukur dengan segala berkat melimpah yang tidak pernah berhenti mengalir dalam kehidupan saya. Tuhan Yesus tidak pernah meninggalkan saya. Tidak pernah satu detik pun Dia ijinkan saya berdiri sendiri menentang badai. Tidak pernah satu detik pun Dia biarkan saya memikul beban saya sendirian. Tidak pernah satu detik pun Dia biarkan saya jatuh. Dia selalu ada memegang erat tangan saya, berjalan perlahan menyusuri jalan setapak, betapa pun berat dan sulit.
Don’t get me wrong.. again… Saya yakin bahwa karena saya selalu bersyukur akan semua hal, hidup menjadi lebih berarti. Saya yakin bahwa karena saya bersyukur akan semua hal, yang baik maupun yang tidak, saya mampu bangun pagi setiap hari dengan keyakinan bahwa semua pasti baik-baik saja. Saya yakin bahwa karena saya bersyukur saya mampu bertahan hingga saat ini.
Tapi malam ini saya melihat betapa selama ini rasa bersyukur ini akhirnya membuat saya nrimo dan tidak mau lagi berusaha. Saya takut bermimpi dan takut berharap. Pada akhirnya saya memaksa diri saya untuk menghentikan mimpi dan harapan yang saya miliki supaya saya tidak perlu kecewa.
Saya ingat di satu masa betapa keras usaha saya menyuarakan keinginan dan harapan saya. Saya ingat dengan sangat jelas betapa kuat saya mengulurkan tangan dan meraih. Saya ingat rasa itu. Saya ingat kesedihan itu. Saya ingat betapa saya berdoa meminta dan meminta supaya keadaan bisa berpihak pada saya. Saya ingat berdoa dan menyerahkan segalanya ke dalam tangan-Nya. Saya ingat rasa itu. Saya ingat kesedihan dan kekecewaan itu, saat saya melihat perlahan-lahan harapan itu lepas dari genggaman, hanyut terbawa air mata. Dan saya ingat pada akhirnya saya mengubur semua harapan.
Malam ini, di ujung usia 40, saya tidak punya permintaan besar. Saya tidak meminta Tuhan menjadikan hidup saya berarti bagi orang lain seperti harapan saya beberapa tahun lalu. Saya tidak meminta Tuhan menjadikan saya terang bagi orang lain seperti harapan saya beberapa tahun lalu. Saya tidak meminta Tuhan menjadikan saya manusia bijaksana seperti harapan saya beberapa tahun lalu.
Malam ini, menjelang usia 41, saya hanya ingin berada di bawah perlindungan sayap-Nya. Saya hanya ingin berada dalam genggaman tangan-Nya. Saya hanya ingin merasa aman dan damai. Saya hanya ingin melepas semua topeng yang mengatakan “saya baik-baik saja.”
Malam ini, doa saya untuk satu tahun ke depan hanya agar rasa lelah ini Dia angkat.
Happy 41st birthday, dear Me.
(June 3, 2014)
Rest in Peace, My Beautiful Dream
Saturday, May 31, 2014
These last couple of weeks, the writer in me has been pushing me to start again and, finally, after a visit from the Ghost of My Past (my previous entry), I did sit in front of my laptop and poured it all out.
In the process of restarting, I couldn't help browsing over my not-so-many published notes in my Facebook account. And my heart sank really deep when I found this note...
In the process of restarting, I couldn't help browsing over my not-so-many published notes in my Facebook account. And my heart sank really deep when I found this note...
Rest in Peace, My Beautiful Dream
You came to me uninvited.
You turned my life upside down.
At times, you robbed me of my sleep -
so I could take care of you.
At times, you stole me away from my loved ones -
so I could tend to your every need.
At times, you enticed me from the warmth of my home -
so I could fulfill your every desire.
Much to my surprise,
I fell for you..
I fell so in love with you..
I felt so connected to you..
You came to me uninvited.
You brought colors to my life.
You helped me see the other side of me.
You let me live a different life.
You led me through a road less travelled.
You came to me uninvited.
And now,
You left me without saying goodbye.
You let me stand here waiting for you to come back.
You abandoned me without the slightest remorse.
You walked away... You didn't even look back.
You came to me uninvited.
You left me without warning.
I guess time has come for me to accept.
To let you go.
To sincerely say:
thank you for the magnificent journey!
Rest in peace, My Beautiful Dream.
(A Repost From 2011)
A Day In The Life Of A Fingerprint Analyst
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
In my job as a teacher and consultant, I have seen how parents (including myself) get confused when it comes to children's 'theatrics'. Many times, parents cannot understand why their 2-year-old goes into a terrible tantrum every time she is put in her car seat while her brother who is now 4 has never had that attitude. At other times, parents find it so annoying that their children do not want to join in the ballet lesson that they usually enjoy so much - not until the last 15 minutes of the session. As a fingerprint analyst, I have met hundreds of parents with similar problems . . . getting lost in 'translation' when raising their children.
Her six-year-old girl really loves ballet. She always looks forward to her ballet lessons but there are times when she refuses to participate as soon as she enters the class. She just sits and watches others. Her mom is often frustrated and, on the day that we met, was at the edge of her patience. She was going to call it quit to the ballet lesson.
In the session, we found out that the girl has a high need for comfort. She needs to 'warm up' before doing an activity. She needs to be comfortable and she needs to start from something familiar before moving on to a new thing. Her mom then realized that most of the time, when the girl refused to join in, it was because they had to start with something new or something that she was not really familiar with. However, she would readily take part in the dance as soon as she heard a song that she liked or when she recognized the dance that she had learned before.
Another thing that came to light was the reason why her daughter often backs down from challenging tasks. She will not even try. It's like losing the battle before it even begins. It turns out that she is the type of person who always wants to do things in the best way possible and the best result is her goal. So, when she sees the goal as being too hard or challenging, she will not even try for fear that she will fail or her work will not be as good as she wants it to be. After talking about this, she realizes that instead of verbally forcing her child to try and do something, she can actually help her see that, most of the time, it is the effort that matters. Quality will come later.
I have talked to a lot of parents and none of those talks have passed without me learning something valuable. I am always reminded that everybody is born unique. It is not fair for us to force our children to do things our way. When we can really understand our kids, we can have better communication with them. At the end of the day it is always very rewarding to see how parents realize that understanding their children is the first and most important tool in enjoying the journey that they have with their children.
Where Do Babies Come From?
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Sex education...
Hhhmmm... It certainly is not the kind of topic that we normally discuss at our dinner table or on our way to school, is it? Our culture has put us in a position where discussing sex with our children can make us a terrible liar, a lame story teller, or even temporary deaf.
As for me, I'm not the type of mom who dodge questions so I always try my best to answer Nick's questions, that may range from 'why does water turn to ice when it's cold?' to 'why does God make earthquakes?'. For me, questions about God are scarier and trickier than questions about sex. So, when the time came for me to answer questions about the birds and the bees, I felt prepared. Little did I know that not all my answers can give the result that I'm hoping for.
Like other kids, Nick became curious about where babies came from so I told him all the facts about reproductive system. We read a book about human reproductive system together and we learnt that men produced sperms and women produced eggs. There were no leaves unturned about what would happen when sperms met the egg. At the end of our reading session, he seemed so happy and satisfied and I couldn't help feeling proud of myself for being able to take my responsibility in this matter.
Trust me, it was not hard!
Then, the result of our reading session came to light when one night, Nick said, "Come on, Mom, make your egg hatch! I want to have a baby brother or sister." I was confused by what he was saying so I asked him what he meant. Then, very confidently, he said, "If you want to have a baby in your tummy, the tadpole thingy have to hatch from your egg, right? Then they will race to your heart and the winner will then go to your egg and becomes a baby. So you will have to hatch your egg soon. I can't wait to have a baby brother or baby sister, Mom."
It was then that I realized that this matter was far from over. My next homework: How do the sperms meet the egg?
Hhhmmm... It certainly is not the kind of topic that we normally discuss at our dinner table or on our way to school, is it? Our culture has put us in a position where discussing sex with our children can make us a terrible liar, a lame story teller, or even temporary deaf.
As for me, I'm not the type of mom who dodge questions so I always try my best to answer Nick's questions, that may range from 'why does water turn to ice when it's cold?' to 'why does God make earthquakes?'. For me, questions about God are scarier and trickier than questions about sex. So, when the time came for me to answer questions about the birds and the bees, I felt prepared. Little did I know that not all my answers can give the result that I'm hoping for.
Like other kids, Nick became curious about where babies came from so I told him all the facts about reproductive system. We read a book about human reproductive system together and we learnt that men produced sperms and women produced eggs. There were no leaves unturned about what would happen when sperms met the egg. At the end of our reading session, he seemed so happy and satisfied and I couldn't help feeling proud of myself for being able to take my responsibility in this matter.Trust me, it was not hard!
Then, the result of our reading session came to light when one night, Nick said, "Come on, Mom, make your egg hatch! I want to have a baby brother or sister." I was confused by what he was saying so I asked him what he meant. Then, very confidently, he said, "If you want to have a baby in your tummy, the tadpole thingy have to hatch from your egg, right? Then they will race to your heart and the winner will then go to your egg and becomes a baby. So you will have to hatch your egg soon. I can't wait to have a baby brother or baby sister, Mom."
It was then that I realized that this matter was far from over. My next homework: How do the sperms meet the egg?
A Decade and One
Friday, September 16, 2011
Today, eleven years ago
We said 'I do'
Today, eleven years ago
We became one
Today, eleven years ago
We planned our future together
Every piece and every stone
We designed
We built
Now, eleven years have passed
I still say 'I do'
I do love you
I do cherish the time I spend with you
Now, eleven years have passed
We have gone through a lot
Our best of time
Our darkest moment
Nothing can compare to this
A life I will not trade for the world
A love I will not pass on any day
A heart I will not betray no matter what
Happy eleventh anniversary, my other half
I loved you then
I love you now
I will love you forever
Profile Dokter Floren
Berikut kutipan dari sumber:
Dear Friends,
Silahkan share..........semoga bermanfaat !!
Dear Friends,
Silahkan share..........semoga bermanfaat !!
Berikut ini adalah video latihan pencegahan gejala penyakit,
latihlah sesering mungkin dan serius bila Anda mengalami gejala-gejalanya.
latihlah sesering mungkin dan serius bila Anda mengalami gejala-gejalanya.
1. Cara Meringankan Bagian Kepala
2. Cara Memijat Bagian Wajah & Relax Mata
3. Relax Leher & Bahu 1
4. Relax Leher & Bahu 2
5. Relax Bahu
6. Relax Leher, Tangan Takkan Kebas
7. Peningkatan Limfatik/Limfoma & Sistem Kekebalan Tubuh
8. Limfatik Relax
9. Latihan Dada
10. Menggosok Dada, dapat Mencegah Kanker Payudara
11. Tingkatkan Daya Jari
12. Membuka Semua Meridian Tubuh
13. Bahu, Tangan, Siku, Telapak Tangan
14. Memperkuat Bag. Pinggang. (Memutar / Flexi Pinggang)
15. Menyembuhkan Sakit Punggung, Perut, Usus, Rahim tidak Melorot
16. Relax Tubuh Bag Atas
17. Memperbaiki Tulang Belakang - Gaya Lantai.
18. Memperbaiki Tulang Belakang - Gaya Kura².
2. Cara Memijat Bagian Wajah & Relax Mata
3. Relax Leher & Bahu 1
4. Relax Leher & Bahu 2
5. Relax Bahu
6. Relax Leher, Tangan Takkan Kebas
7. Peningkatan Limfatik/Limfoma & Sistem Kekebalan Tubuh
8. Limfatik Relax
9. Latihan Dada
10. Menggosok Dada, dapat Mencegah Kanker Payudara
11. Tingkatkan Daya Jari
12. Membuka Semua Meridian Tubuh
13. Bahu, Tangan, Siku, Telapak Tangan
14. Memperkuat Bag. Pinggang. (Memutar / Flexi Pinggang)
15. Menyembuhkan Sakit Punggung, Perut, Usus, Rahim tidak Melorot
16. Relax Tubuh Bag Atas
17. Memperbaiki Tulang Belakang - Gaya Lantai.
18. Memperbaiki Tulang Belakang - Gaya Kura².
Yang sabar ya latihannya, orang sabar disayang Tuhan lho.......
Semoga menebar manfaat kesembuhan.
Namaste,
Dokter Floren.
www.DokterFloren.com ,
Video Youtube search DOKTER FLOREN.
Diposkan oleh DOKTER FLOREN, AHLI KESEHATAN HOLISTIK di 11.19
2. Memijat bagian wajah dan relax mata
4. Cegah gejala penyakit/relax leher dan bahu 2
1. Meringankan bagian kepala
3. Relax leher dan bahu
5. Relax bahu
7. Peningkatan limfatik dan sistem kekebalan tubuh
9. Latihan dada
11. Tingkatkan daya jari
6. Relax leher, tangan takkan kebas
8. Cegah gejala penyakit/limfatik relax
10. Menggosok dada dapat mencegah kanker payudara
12. Membuka semua meredian tubuh
13. Bahu tangan siku telapak tangan
14. Memperkuat bagian pinggang
15. Menyembuhkan sakit punggung perut usus rahim tidak melorot
16. Cegah gejala penyakit/relax tubuh bag atas
18. Memperbaiki tulang belakang gaya lantai
18. Memperbaiki tulang belakang gaya kura-kura
Rudi Kartadiredja Newbie - my writing spot
Indokrasi
25 September 2014, Kondisi di Indonesia, dengan adanya keterikatan atas kebutuhan, keterikatan dengan organisasinya, dan lain lain manusia tidak dapat secara tegas dan jelas memberikan penilaian berdasarkan nurani nya. Dengan sisitim demokrasi di Indonesia pembentukan kebijakan anggota dewan terikat dengan partainya, bahkan anggota dewan tanpa prilaku gentleman adalah hal lumrah, wajar, biasa. Padahal
Perilaku buruk bisa berubah jadi prilaku baik, dengan tidak mengijinkan dan me wajar kan nya
Untuk mempertahankan dan atau membangun kekuasaan organisasi berbentuk partai politik mengikat kader-kader nya untuk mengikuti kebijaksanaan yang sudah dibentuk para penguasa partai sesuai kepentingan partai nya.
DIsebutkan Dalam undang undang Nomor 2 Tahun 2008, tentang Partai Politik Bab 1,Pasal 1
1. Partai Politik adalah organisasi yang bersifat nasional dan dibentuk oleh sekelompok warga negara Indonesia secara sukarela atas dasar kesamaan kehendak dan cita-cita untuk memperjuangkan dan membela kepentingan politik anggota, masyarakat, bangsa dan negara, serta memelihara keutuhan Negara Kesatuan Republik Indonesia berdasarkan Pancasila dan Undang-Undang Dasar Negara Republik Indonesia Tahun 1945.
Jelas bahwa partai politik mendahulukan untuk memperjuangkan dan membela kepentingan politik anggota, karena anggota disebutkan di awal sebelum masyarakat, bangsa dan Negara, sehingga jelas pula bahwa partai politik wajar jika lebih membela anggota nya dimana dan institusi partainya.
Partai Politik adalah bagian dari bangsa, dengan sistim demokrasi partai harus lebih dari satu, sehingga pengelompokkan berdasarkan partai tidak dapat dihindari, tetapi itulah yang membuat terjadinya pebedaan yang menjurus pada pengelompokkan dalam masyarakat, yang membuat masing masing partai membuat argumentasi sesuai dengan kepentingan dan kondisi partai.
Berdasarkan hal diatas penulis sumbang saran perubahan sistim demokrasi Indonesia menjadi sistim yang lebih diperbaiki sebutlah sistim Indokrasi, mengingat kondisi saat ini penerapan Indokrasi sepertinya sangat tepat, karena saat ini Indonesia sudah menentukan perangkat pelaksana Negara yaitu antara lain pemerintah, DPR, MPR dan lainnya untuk 5 tahun ke depan. Perangkat yang ada saat ini dapat menjadi pengelola transisi perubahan sistim demokrasi ke sistim Indokrasi dimana Sistim Indokrasi
Tidak mengenal organisasi partai politik
Tidak mengenal yang terhormat anggota Majelis perwakilan rakyat
Tidak mengenal yang terhormat anggota Dewan perwakilan rakyat
Tanpa adanya partai politik tidak ada pengelompokan dalam Negara Indonesia sehingga tidak ada penerapan idiologi yang berbeda beda dalam satu negara .
Tanpa adanya yang terhormat anggota DPR MPR yang ada hanyalah wakil rakyat yang benar benar sebagai wakil rakyat yang sama kedudukannya dengan rakyat, tidak lebih terhormat dari rakyat itu sendiri mengingat mereka hanya orang-orang yang dititipi pendapat dari rakyat Indonesia menurut daerah nya.
Dengan tiadanya partai politik rakyat dapat memilih siapapun para bakal calon wakil rakyat dari rakyat dengan kriteria-kriteria khusus yang dibuat oleh pelaksana transisi, misalnya kriteria usia, pendidikan, bebas tindak kriminal dan lainnya
Perilaku buruk bisa berubah jadi prilaku baik, dengan tidak mengijinkan dan me wajar kan nya
Untuk mempertahankan dan atau membangun kekuasaan organisasi berbentuk partai politik mengikat kader-kader nya untuk mengikuti kebijaksanaan yang sudah dibentuk para penguasa partai sesuai kepentingan partai nya.
DIsebutkan Dalam undang undang Nomor 2 Tahun 2008, tentang Partai Politik Bab 1,Pasal 1
1. Partai Politik adalah organisasi yang bersifat nasional dan dibentuk oleh sekelompok warga negara Indonesia secara sukarela atas dasar kesamaan kehendak dan cita-cita untuk memperjuangkan dan membela kepentingan politik anggota, masyarakat, bangsa dan negara, serta memelihara keutuhan Negara Kesatuan Republik Indonesia berdasarkan Pancasila dan Undang-Undang Dasar Negara Republik Indonesia Tahun 1945.
Jelas bahwa partai politik mendahulukan untuk memperjuangkan dan membela kepentingan politik anggota, karena anggota disebutkan di awal sebelum masyarakat, bangsa dan Negara, sehingga jelas pula bahwa partai politik wajar jika lebih membela anggota nya dimana dan institusi partainya.
Partai Politik adalah bagian dari bangsa, dengan sistim demokrasi partai harus lebih dari satu, sehingga pengelompokkan berdasarkan partai tidak dapat dihindari, tetapi itulah yang membuat terjadinya pebedaan yang menjurus pada pengelompokkan dalam masyarakat, yang membuat masing masing partai membuat argumentasi sesuai dengan kepentingan dan kondisi partai.
Berdasarkan hal diatas penulis sumbang saran perubahan sistim demokrasi Indonesia menjadi sistim yang lebih diperbaiki sebutlah sistim Indokrasi, mengingat kondisi saat ini penerapan Indokrasi sepertinya sangat tepat, karena saat ini Indonesia sudah menentukan perangkat pelaksana Negara yaitu antara lain pemerintah, DPR, MPR dan lainnya untuk 5 tahun ke depan. Perangkat yang ada saat ini dapat menjadi pengelola transisi perubahan sistim demokrasi ke sistim Indokrasi dimana Sistim Indokrasi
Tidak mengenal organisasi partai politik
Tidak mengenal yang terhormat anggota Majelis perwakilan rakyat
Tidak mengenal yang terhormat anggota Dewan perwakilan rakyat
Tanpa adanya partai politik tidak ada pengelompokan dalam Negara Indonesia sehingga tidak ada penerapan idiologi yang berbeda beda dalam satu negara .
Tanpa adanya yang terhormat anggota DPR MPR yang ada hanyalah wakil rakyat yang benar benar sebagai wakil rakyat yang sama kedudukannya dengan rakyat, tidak lebih terhormat dari rakyat itu sendiri mengingat mereka hanya orang-orang yang dititipi pendapat dari rakyat Indonesia menurut daerah nya.
Dengan tiadanya partai politik rakyat dapat memilih siapapun para bakal calon wakil rakyat dari rakyat dengan kriteria-kriteria khusus yang dibuat oleh pelaksana transisi, misalnya kriteria usia, pendidikan, bebas tindak kriminal dan lainnya
- Tahap awal pemilihan bakal calon wakil rakyat dilaksanakan oleh bakal calon wakil rakyat itu sendiri dengan mengumpulkan dukungan beserta bukti, misalnya tanda tangan, copy identitas pemilih, foto pemilih dan bakal calon, keterangan bebas tindakan criminal, keterangan bukan tersangka pidana dll.
- Pada tahap ini setiap rakyat dapat memberikan dukungan kepada lebih dari satu bakal calon wakil rakyat, dan para bakal calon wakil rakyat boleh memiliki dukungan dari rakyat yang sama misalnya bakal calon A didukung oleh Bpk.Z, bakal calon B boleh memiliki dukungan dari Bpk.Z, karena bakal calon akan diadu kemudian ketika pemilihan menjadi calon.
- Bakal calon dapat memperoleh dukungan dengan mempromosikankan dirinya di pasar, lembaga pendidikan, tempat ibadah dan dimanapun tempat berkumpul masyarakat, dengan langsung berinteraksi langsung dengan rakyat.
- Bakal calon dapat memperoleh dukungan menggunakan media sosial dengan cara penghitungan berbeda dari dukungan interaksi langsung.
- Bakal calon dilarang menggunakan media promosi biaya tinggi, misalnya media televisi
- Bakal calon mengumpulkan dukungan tanpa mendapat bantuan dana dari pemerintah, dengan harapan bakal calon tersebut sudah layak uji merupakan orang yang bisa mengatur ( memanage ) dirinya sendiri dan meluangkan waktu untuk rakyat
- Bakal calon boleh mendapat sumbangan dari donatur yang berdomisili di daerah pilihan, bukan dari daerah lain, misalnya daerah Sumatra Selatan tidak dapat menerima donatur dari donatur Jakarta dimana perolehan sumbangan di laporkan ke publik
- Bakal calon merupakan anggota masyarakat yang terbukti berdomisili di daerah pemilihan, tidak merupakan anggota masyarakat dari daerah lain
Sebelumnya telah ditentukan
Batas minimal dukungan berbanding jumlah pemilih, misalnya batas minimal 40% dari jumlah pemilih
Batas Jumlah bakal calon yang dapat menjadi calon wakil rakyat, misalnya minimal 2 orang dan maksimal 7 orang dari tiap daerah pemilihan
Tahap berikutnya setelah persyaratan lengkap dan batas dukungan terpenuhi, pihak transisi melalui KPU atau melalui KPU dan anggota DPR melakukan seleksi untuk meloloskan para calon wakil rakyat
Setelah seleksi, dilaksanakan dilakukan pemilihan langsung oleh rakyat di daerah masing masing.
Jika sistim Indokrasi dilaksanakan, tidak akan terjadi masalah jika kemudian pemilihan kepala daerah dipilih langsung oleh rakyat atau dipilih langsung oleh Wakil Rakyat terpilih, karena wakil rakyat terpilih sudah memperoleh legitimasi melalui proses pemilihan Indokrasi. Yang terjadi sekarang rakyat tidak mengnal bahkan tidak tahu bahwa mereka memiliki wakil di permerintahan atau di DPR MPR.
Sistim Indokrasi diatas tentunya kurang sistimatis dan detail, karena hanya merupakan sketsa saja, tentunya banyak sosok Indonesia yang lebih berpengalaman yang dapat mengembangkan nya.
Penulis adalah bukan siapa-siapa, tidak bermaksud mengembangkan opini negatif, mohon maaf sebesar besarnya jika hal-hal tertulis diatas kurang tepat dan atau salah
Penulis hanya berharap sumbang saran dapat membuat para pengelola bangsa Indonesia dapat benar benar menjalankan fungsinya untuk membuat bangsa ini menjadi bangsa besar dengan rakyat yang santun, berkeadilan dan sejahtera
Demokrasi
Berikut Pengertian Demokrasi Menurut Para Ahli (sumber : Wikipedia bahasa Indonesia)
Abraham Lincoln
Abraham Lincoln
Demokrasi adalah sistem pemerintahan dari rakyat, oleh rakyat, dan untuk rakyat.
Charles Costello
Demokrasi adalah sistem sosial dan politik pemerintahan diri dengan kekuasaan-kekuasaan pemerintah yang dibatasi hukum dan kebiasaan untuk melindungi hak-hak perorangan warga negara.
John L. Esposito
Demokrasi pada dasarnya adalah kekuasaan dari dan untuk rakyat. Oleh karenanya, semuanya berhak untuk berpartisipasi, baik terlibat aktif maupun mengontrol kebijakan yang dikeluarkan oleh pemerintah. Selain itu, tentu saja lembaga resmi pemerintah terdapat pemisahan yang jelas antara unsur eksekutif, legislatif, maupun yudikatif.
Hans Kelsen
Demokrasi adalah pemerintahan oleh rakyat dan untuk rakyat. Yang melaksanakan kekuasaan Negara ialah wakil-wakil rakyat yang terpilih. Dimana rakyat telah yakin, bahwa segala kehendak dan kepentingannya akan diperhatikan di dalam melaksanakan kekuasaan Negara.
Sidney Hook
Demokrasi adalah bentuk pemerintahan dimana keputusan-keputusan pemerintah yang penting secara langsung atau tidak didasarkan pada kesepakatan mayoritas yang diberikan secara bebas dari rakyat dewasa.
C.F. Strong
Demokrasi adalah Suatu sistem pemerintahan di mana mayoritas anggota dewan dari masyarakat ikut serta dalam politik atas dasar sistem perwakilan yang menjamin pemerintah akhirnya mempertanggungjawabkan tindakan-tindakannya pada mayoritas tersebut.
Hannry B. Mayo
Kebijaksanaan umum ditentukan atas dasar mayoritas oleh wakil-wakil yang diawasi secara efektif oleh rakyat dalam pemilihan-pemilihan yang didasarkan atas prinsip kesamaan politik dan diselenggarakan dalam suasana di mana terjadi kebebasan politik.
Merriem
Demokrasi dapat didefinisikan sebagai pemerintahan oleh rakyat; khususnya, oleh mayoritas; pemerintahan di mana kekuasaan tertinggi tetap pada rakyat dan dilakukan oleh mereka baik langsung atau tidak langsung melalui sebuah sistem perwakilan yang biasanya dilakukan dengan cara mengadakan pemilu bebas yang diadakan secara periodik; rakyat umum khususnya untuk mengangkat sumber otoritas politik; tiadanya distingsi kelas atau privelese berdasarkan keturunan atau kesewenang-wenangan.
Samuel Huntington
Demokrasi ada jika para pembuat keputusan kolektif yang paling kuat dalam sebuah sistem dipilih melalui suatu pemilihan umum yang adil, jujur dan berkala dan di dalam sistem itu para calon bebas bersaing untuk memperoleh suara dan hampir seluruh penduduk dewasa dapat memberikan suara.
Charles Costello
Demokrasi adalah sistem sosial dan politik pemerintahan diri dengan kekuasaan-kekuasaan pemerintah yang dibatasi hukum dan kebiasaan untuk melindungi hak-hak perorangan warga negara.
John L. Esposito
Demokrasi pada dasarnya adalah kekuasaan dari dan untuk rakyat. Oleh karenanya, semuanya berhak untuk berpartisipasi, baik terlibat aktif maupun mengontrol kebijakan yang dikeluarkan oleh pemerintah. Selain itu, tentu saja lembaga resmi pemerintah terdapat pemisahan yang jelas antara unsur eksekutif, legislatif, maupun yudikatif.
Hans Kelsen
Demokrasi adalah pemerintahan oleh rakyat dan untuk rakyat. Yang melaksanakan kekuasaan Negara ialah wakil-wakil rakyat yang terpilih. Dimana rakyat telah yakin, bahwa segala kehendak dan kepentingannya akan diperhatikan di dalam melaksanakan kekuasaan Negara.
Sidney Hook
Demokrasi adalah bentuk pemerintahan dimana keputusan-keputusan pemerintah yang penting secara langsung atau tidak didasarkan pada kesepakatan mayoritas yang diberikan secara bebas dari rakyat dewasa.
C.F. Strong
Demokrasi adalah Suatu sistem pemerintahan di mana mayoritas anggota dewan dari masyarakat ikut serta dalam politik atas dasar sistem perwakilan yang menjamin pemerintah akhirnya mempertanggungjawabkan tindakan-tindakannya pada mayoritas tersebut.
Hannry B. Mayo
Kebijaksanaan umum ditentukan atas dasar mayoritas oleh wakil-wakil yang diawasi secara efektif oleh rakyat dalam pemilihan-pemilihan yang didasarkan atas prinsip kesamaan politik dan diselenggarakan dalam suasana di mana terjadi kebebasan politik.
Merriem
Demokrasi dapat didefinisikan sebagai pemerintahan oleh rakyat; khususnya, oleh mayoritas; pemerintahan di mana kekuasaan tertinggi tetap pada rakyat dan dilakukan oleh mereka baik langsung atau tidak langsung melalui sebuah sistem perwakilan yang biasanya dilakukan dengan cara mengadakan pemilu bebas yang diadakan secara periodik; rakyat umum khususnya untuk mengangkat sumber otoritas politik; tiadanya distingsi kelas atau privelese berdasarkan keturunan atau kesewenang-wenangan.
Samuel Huntington
Demokrasi ada jika para pembuat keputusan kolektif yang paling kuat dalam sebuah sistem dipilih melalui suatu pemilihan umum yang adil, jujur dan berkala dan di dalam sistem itu para calon bebas bersaing untuk memperoleh suara dan hampir seluruh penduduk dewasa dapat memberikan suara.